Creepy dream

I dreamed about this during my afternoon nap this afternoon. I wonder what it means, if anything at all...

I was in my mum's room. I vaguely remember that the room was very large, and pretty much empty. There were 3 big glass windows on each side of the room. Each window had a large glass window pane that swung open on vertical hinges.

I heard a train's whistle blowing, so I went to the 1st window to see if there was a train. There was nothing outside the 1st window. There may have been a field of some sort, but I can't really recall.

So I went to the 2nd window and looked out. There was a train yard with a few trains, but none of them were moving. The train yard looked old. The trains were brownish (rusty perhaps?) and looked somewhat neglected, and like they had seen better years. I think there were two trains, or perhaps there were 3. Once again, I can't be absolutely sure. Anyway, there didn't seem like there was anything interesting there, so I went to the 3rd window.

There was nothing outside the 3rd window. But when I looked at the glass in the 3rd window pane, I could see the reflection of a train moving through the train yard. It seemed like it was moving from the left side of the window pane to the right side. I never saw the head or the tail ends of the train, only the middle sections. I turned back to the second window and looked, and there was nothing moving at all...

I Beg Your Pardon: An Excerpt

There once was a time and there once was a way
We had something going and to my dismay
Attention to me seemed to drift though I don't know where

And when we're alone seems there's nothing to say
I bring up a topic and you push it away
You say that you do but I think it's just you don't care
Why do I feel you're using me

Are we an item or are we just two
I need some commitments all I ask of you
Your life's stock can change
Don't be afraid what you think's in store

I know what's on your mind you've got lots to lose
We're shallow acquaintances what's there to choose
You won't get too deep even though I'm worth so much more

So think about it carefully

Smile for the while and let's be jolly
We shouldn't be so melancholy
Come along and share the good times while we can

If that's how you want it; that's how it'll be
There's no use in trying or making you see
That love don't come easy you don't know what it's about

To get things together won't take any pain
Don't need to see/hear from you ever again
From this day on listen but no more
Please count me out, and you know what I'm talkin' about

Smile for the while and let's be jolly
We shouldn't be so melancholy
Come along and share the good times while we can

I know now's the time that I went to find something new
You know it's your crime that I'm out to find someone too

To Joanne

You'll be leaving for France in a few hours.

When we hugged just before I drove off, you were starting to cry. I told you "Hey, no tears", and you smiled. I said "It's not like you're that far away anyway", and you said "Yeah, but it's going to be different".

You're right. It's going to be different. Heck, it's already different. It's funny. We've changed so much in the last few years, haven't we? I always remember fighting with you when we were kids. And suddenly, here we are, years later, all grown up. Used to be the only time I made you cry was when I was bullying you or something. It never used to be cos you were leaving for some faraway land.

Where did all that time go?

I looked through some old photos just now. Do you remember the first time you came here to visit me with Mum & Dad? We went to Tahoe in winter and you got sick. Damn, I was pissed at you for spoiling the holiday. :) You looked so different. Back then, you were an awkward teenager on the cusp of becoming an adult. Almost a decade later, you've bloomed into a confident composed young lady.

Really, where did all that time go?

It's just not the same any more. We never really talked much when we were living half an hour away. But now that you're leaving, I feel like something is missing. I'm gonna miss you sis.

Should I Stay or Should I Go: An Email to my Cousin

Hi Al,

How's the wedding preps going on? 6 weeks or so left of your bachelor hood man! :)

I was talking to my good friend who will be the MC of another friend's wedding. You know, the 2nd wedding I have to attend, one week after yours. So what's an MC supposed to do? Or rather, what do you want me to do? I can't just go up there and crack stupid jokes. And who's my co-MC? I hope she's someone single and absolutely gorgeous! Ha ha ha

You know, lately, I have been wondering what to do with my life. I've been in the US for 8 1/2 years now, and I am very comfortable living here. I have a life here, friends, career etc. But I'm lacking in the family department. In particular, mum + dad. To make a really long story short, I want to be around them while they are still alive and well. I don't want to make the same mistake I made with Ah Ma. I think I wasn't around her enough while she was well. I did too little too late for her.

So on one hand, you have my (selfish) desires to stay here with my friends and my job and stuff. Like I said, I have a great life here. Lots of freedom, financially very secure etc.

On the other hand, I want to be with my parents while they're still able to spend time with me.

I think there's no easy solution to this. In the end it's up to what I want to give up. I can't be in the US and have my parents around. And I can't be in Singapore/Malaysia and enjoy the same level of comfort as I have in the US.

Sigh... Decisions decisions decisions... Well, just thought I'd tell you what I've been thinking of the whole evening. Heh heh... I think you already have enough stuff on your mind without having to worry about what I'm thinking. :)

Well, see you in a few weeks. Say hi the wife-to-be for me!


Derek

She forgot...

She forgot that I had invited her to my company party. Now she has something else planned. Just great. Fucking great.

How do I feel?

I feel sad and hurt that she forgot. It shows what part of her life I occupy. Or don't occupy as the case may be. I don't think I am angry. Well, maybe a little pissed off because I'd be pissed off if any friend of mine had forgotten we had some prior engagement.

I don't know how to react. Part of me is hurt, part of me is pissed. I don't want to do or say anything I will later regret, so I think I will just shut up. At the same time, I want to let my feelings out. So I guess this journal entry will be about as good as it gets.


I cannot believe she forgot. I was so looking forward to it, and now SHE FUCKING FORGOT. Why did she have to forget? I guess the more you hope for something, the harder it is to face disappointment. You would think that I, for one, would know better than to hope for too much. I guess I just haven't learned my lesson.


Well, what a crappy way to start the day huh?