Saturday, December 30, 2006
The Nearly-Xmas baby
Baby Yuan Kee (Cai Yuanqi) arrived on 23rd Dec 2006. She weighed in at 2.81kg and measured 49.5cm long. Congrats to Leong Kiat and Yee Theng, proud parents. Now, if only YT could have waited 2 more days, she'd have a Christmas baby...
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Midnight Mass Alone
Just got home from midnight mass at the Cathedral of Saint Mary of the Assumption aka St Mary's Cathedral in SF. Beautiful place. High soaring ceilings... And the archbishop gave the Xmas sermon, which was a nice touch. In fact, as luck would have it, he was the one who gave me my personal blessing during communion (which I didn't partake in since I'm not Catholic). Anyway, I attended midnight mass alone out of the blue because I just felt it was the right thing to do this year. Don't ask me why. So I went. Alone. I had a very good time just being around all those anonymous strangers, spending the bridging minutes between Dec 24th and Dec 25th sitting on a wooden bench next to two people I had never met in my life. There's something very "freeing" about doing that. It just felt like the right thing to do.
Some thoughts that came into my head as I was sitting there on last row of pews...
The Innkeeper who Broke Down
The Archbishop told a tale of a boy (Danny) at a Christmas school production of Christ's birth. Danny was the innkeeper who was supposed to reject Joseph and Mary when they asked if there was any room at the inn. His role was to say "There is no room" three times in response to Joseph's pleading.
The first time, Danny delivered his line strongly and resolutely. "There is no room!"
The second time, after Joseph pleaded a little, Danny hesitated somewhat, but still delivered his line... "There is no room!"
The third time, Joseph pleaded his heart out. Danny hesitated. And hesitated. And he suddenly broke into tears and blurted out, "You can have my room"
A simple kindness by a child that moved me. Makes me wonder how many times in my life I have pushed people away thoughtlessly, when all I had to do was be a little more creative to find a solution that could accommodate everyone. And more fundamentally, I question my own WILLINGNESS to help. Sometimes, I know I really can't be bothered enough to care.
The Man who Gave Money
I was walking home from Union Square on Xmas eve. As I was at the intersection, a homeless guy wrapped in a tattered blanket walked across my path. There was another very well dressed young man standing there. The well dressed young man stopped the homeless guy, reached into his pocket and gave him some money. The homeless guy said he couldn't accept it, but the young man insisted and wished him a merry Christmas. I felt very touched watching such a display of humanity in a city that typically ignores its homeless.
Doing It For Good
"...whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me" - Matthew 25:40
Just a reminder that whatever I choose to do with my skills and abilities, what I do has an impact that reverberates out beyond my immediate vicinity. Ripples in a pond. A reminder that "What we do in life echoes in eternity" - Maximus, The Gladiator
Peace
From http://torch.op.org/preaching/sermon/297:
'Peace' is a word which looms large in the Christian vocabulary. 'Peace be with you' is the greeting that Jesus gives to his disciples when he comes and stands among them in today's Gospel, and he repeats the phrase as the disciples rejoice when they recognise him on that first Easter Sunday evening. He uses an identical greeting when he comes to them again eight days later. Earlier, in the course of his farewell address to his closest friends before his passion and death, Jesus had told them not to let their hearts be troubled at his going away: 'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you'; but he added 'not as the world gives do I give to you'(Jn. 14:27). Again, he says to them, 'I have said this to you so that you may have peace.'(Jn. 16:33)
And from an IM chat just today:
Friend: how do you measure happiness?
DL: uh.... you are or you're not... most often, you're somewhere in between
DL: but you just accept where you are
DL: the less you accept it, then more unhappy you get
DL: conversely speaking, the more you accept it, the happier you are
Lately, I've been more at peace with who I am and what I am inside. That's made a world of difference.
Some thoughts that came into my head as I was sitting there on last row of pews...
The Innkeeper who Broke Down
The Archbishop told a tale of a boy (Danny) at a Christmas school production of Christ's birth. Danny was the innkeeper who was supposed to reject Joseph and Mary when they asked if there was any room at the inn. His role was to say "There is no room" three times in response to Joseph's pleading.
The first time, Danny delivered his line strongly and resolutely. "There is no room!"
The second time, after Joseph pleaded a little, Danny hesitated somewhat, but still delivered his line... "There is no room!"
The third time, Joseph pleaded his heart out. Danny hesitated. And hesitated. And he suddenly broke into tears and blurted out, "You can have my room"
A simple kindness by a child that moved me. Makes me wonder how many times in my life I have pushed people away thoughtlessly, when all I had to do was be a little more creative to find a solution that could accommodate everyone. And more fundamentally, I question my own WILLINGNESS to help. Sometimes, I know I really can't be bothered enough to care.
The Man who Gave Money
I was walking home from Union Square on Xmas eve. As I was at the intersection, a homeless guy wrapped in a tattered blanket walked across my path. There was another very well dressed young man standing there. The well dressed young man stopped the homeless guy, reached into his pocket and gave him some money. The homeless guy said he couldn't accept it, but the young man insisted and wished him a merry Christmas. I felt very touched watching such a display of humanity in a city that typically ignores its homeless.
Doing It For Good
"...whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me" - Matthew 25:40
Just a reminder that whatever I choose to do with my skills and abilities, what I do has an impact that reverberates out beyond my immediate vicinity. Ripples in a pond. A reminder that "What we do in life echoes in eternity" - Maximus, The Gladiator
Peace
From http://torch.op.org/preaching/sermon/297:
'Peace' is a word which looms large in the Christian vocabulary. 'Peace be with you' is the greeting that Jesus gives to his disciples when he comes and stands among them in today's Gospel, and he repeats the phrase as the disciples rejoice when they recognise him on that first Easter Sunday evening. He uses an identical greeting when he comes to them again eight days later. Earlier, in the course of his farewell address to his closest friends before his passion and death, Jesus had told them not to let their hearts be troubled at his going away: 'Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you'; but he added 'not as the world gives do I give to you'(Jn. 14:27). Again, he says to them, 'I have said this to you so that you may have peace.'(Jn. 16:33)
And from an IM chat just today:
Friend: how do you measure happiness?
DL: uh.... you are or you're not... most often, you're somewhere in between
DL: but you just accept where you are
DL: the less you accept it, then more unhappy you get
DL: conversely speaking, the more you accept it, the happier you are
Lately, I've been more at peace with who I am and what I am inside. That's made a world of difference.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Adventures of my new computer
I have been using the same computer since 1999 or 2000 or something loooong like that. This was back when an 850MHz PC was blazing... It's been with me through good times and bad, but in mid Nov, it finally died.
I replaced it with a groovylicious ASUS Z96J laptop. It has 2GB of RAM, 80GB hard disk, a dedicated graphics card, and most importantly, I bought an external drive caddy so I can reuse all the data I already have on my old hard disks. It has a little bit of a problem with a very warm (but not hot) hand rest, but I've been able to largely avoid that problem by using an external USB mouse. So far, life's been good.
But now, I am drooling over this - a Belkin notebook expansion dock that includes 5 USB2 ports, as well as connectors for my monitor, speakers, keyboard and mouse! I could sit down at my desk, plug my notebook into one teeny weeny little dock, and have full access to all my goodies.
Any guesses what I want to see in my stocking for Xmas...?
I replaced it with a groovylicious ASUS Z96J laptop. It has 2GB of RAM, 80GB hard disk, a dedicated graphics card, and most importantly, I bought an external drive caddy so I can reuse all the data I already have on my old hard disks. It has a little bit of a problem with a very warm (but not hot) hand rest, but I've been able to largely avoid that problem by using an external USB mouse. So far, life's been good.
But now, I am drooling over this - a Belkin notebook expansion dock that includes 5 USB2 ports, as well as connectors for my monitor, speakers, keyboard and mouse! I could sit down at my desk, plug my notebook into one teeny weeny little dock, and have full access to all my goodies.
Any guesses what I want to see in my stocking for Xmas...?
Monday, December 18, 2006
Update on the coaster ride
On Dec 1st, I attended a 3 day workshop (the Authentic Man Program aka AMP). On the surface, the AMP was marketed as a way to relate to women. What they failed to tell me up front was that they way to relating with women was first to be able to relate with yourself! I think this was the piece I'd been missing over the last few years and I'd especially feeling over the last few months.
A detailed review of the workshop is probably beyond the scope of my blog (ie I'm too lazy to write so much) but I'll just say that while I've always felt that I had a good handle on how I feel, the workshop opened up so many doors that I'd walked past and never really seen.
Over the last few weeks, I've felt that the interactions I've had with people have changed. Dramatically. Some examples...
1) a girl I met at Borders told me that it was the most intense and real conversation she'd ever had with someone she just met
2) I went out with a girl I've known for about a year, and she told me I felt so different that it was like going out with a new person
Recently, I've felt more at peace with myself. In my adult life, I've always tended to hide my emotions behind a wall in order to keep myself safe from more extreme emotions such as pain or loss or rejection. While that would keep me "safe", it also prevented me from really going for the things that I wanted most emotionally because at crunch time, I'd pull back behind my wall. Shelly, one of the AMP facilitators, told me that person who kept me safe behind the wall has been watching over me for the past 30+ years, and I should tell the person, "Thank you for keeping me safe all these years, but I'm moving on to another stage of my life where I won't need your protection". When I heard that, it felt so right for me. It was as if I had been wearing a jacket that was too small for me all these years. It was too small, so I'd be a little scrunched up inside, but at the same time, I'd been wearing it for so long that I was used to that feeling. And now, I had just taken off that jacket and realized how much freedom I could allow myself. At that point, I just started crying. And since then, I have been so much more actively in touch with my feelings.
It has also been a great help that I took the AMP workshop with a few good friends, in particular my roomie, Dennis. We've been working actively to keep each other in check, and to call out any bullshit that we're smelling.
In conclusion? No, there is no conclusion. I'm still very much at the start of this chapter in my life. So far, it's been beautiful and I'm more at peace with how I'm feeling. I'm not quite "happy", there's a few things that are lacking in my life. But more importantly, I'm ok with how it, and I welcome the feeling of being not quite happy.
A detailed review of the workshop is probably beyond the scope of my blog (ie I'm too lazy to write so much) but I'll just say that while I've always felt that I had a good handle on how I feel, the workshop opened up so many doors that I'd walked past and never really seen.
Over the last few weeks, I've felt that the interactions I've had with people have changed. Dramatically. Some examples...
1) a girl I met at Borders told me that it was the most intense and real conversation she'd ever had with someone she just met
2) I went out with a girl I've known for about a year, and she told me I felt so different that it was like going out with a new person
Recently, I've felt more at peace with myself. In my adult life, I've always tended to hide my emotions behind a wall in order to keep myself safe from more extreme emotions such as pain or loss or rejection. While that would keep me "safe", it also prevented me from really going for the things that I wanted most emotionally because at crunch time, I'd pull back behind my wall. Shelly, one of the AMP facilitators, told me that person who kept me safe behind the wall has been watching over me for the past 30+ years, and I should tell the person, "Thank you for keeping me safe all these years, but I'm moving on to another stage of my life where I won't need your protection". When I heard that, it felt so right for me. It was as if I had been wearing a jacket that was too small for me all these years. It was too small, so I'd be a little scrunched up inside, but at the same time, I'd been wearing it for so long that I was used to that feeling. And now, I had just taken off that jacket and realized how much freedom I could allow myself. At that point, I just started crying. And since then, I have been so much more actively in touch with my feelings.
It has also been a great help that I took the AMP workshop with a few good friends, in particular my roomie, Dennis. We've been working actively to keep each other in check, and to call out any bullshit that we're smelling.
In conclusion? No, there is no conclusion. I'm still very much at the start of this chapter in my life. So far, it's been beautiful and I'm more at peace with how I'm feeling. I'm not quite "happy", there's a few things that are lacking in my life. But more importantly, I'm ok with how it, and I welcome the feeling of being not quite happy.
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