A Dream of Two Days and Two Nights

I had a dream.

I dreamed that I met this girl. We got along very well. We hit it off
great.

I could tell you the places we went, the things we did, the food we
ate, but I won't. The dream isn't about what we did or where we went.
It's about someone who walked into my life briefly and now seems to be
waltzing out.

I remember some fragments of the dream better than others.

She peeled my glasses off my face, laughing, while she wiped the
lenses clean. She was peeling the crab meat out of the shell. That
was my birthday present from her. She was scratching the back of my
neck gently while I was driving. She was sitting at the edge of the
window, looking out over the San Francisco skyline. She gave me a
kiss for taking nice photos.

And I remember giving her a last hug before she went back to her
hotel, before she leaves, before I wake up from my dream.

I had a dream, and it was great.

Fall

The leaves started falling all of a sudden
It wasn't raining leaves yesterday
The ground is blanketed in red and gold
The trees have shed their summer coat
Bare branches reach to the sky
Bracing for winter's cold embrace
Yearning for spring's kiss
'Tis the time of change
Life moves on

Update on my life

After the past few stormy months, I think I am very happy that my life has stabilized a lot. Hey, don't get me wrong. Change is great. I love change (usually). But when too much change comes too fast too soon and too close together, it can be quite a task to handle all that is changing in your life and still keep some semblance of sanity.

Trust me, it's not all easy.

Now the storm waters have receeded. So what am I doing with my somewhat-more-placid life?

For starters, I am studying for my CFA (Chartered Financial Analyst). Yes, I'm a software engineer by vocation and by training. Which is why I feel the need to round out my education by tackling a topic that I feel I know nothing about, yet could have a very large impact in my future.

Socially, I'm hanging out a lot with Bruce and Karen lately. Karen is leaving for Japan in a few months. I'm going to miss her. Just when I start to really get to know her, she has to leave. Bruce is applying to various MBA programs across the country, and he also intends to return to Taiwan to teach English or something. So I guess he won't be in the bay area for too much longer.

Change. More change blowing in the wind.

Physically, I'm going to the gym every week. I don't do much weights though. I spend anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes stretching, maybe 10 or 15 minutes doing an upper body workout (bicep curls, crunches, lateral pulls, butterfly), another 15 minutes on the bike and about 30 minutes of kicks/punches.

I feel like my kicks have improved so much over the last few months. I can really feel the difference in power, speed and focus when I kick now versus when I first restarted my TKD a few months back. I'm feeling my kicks "explode" out from my ready stance, instead of just extending out towards the target. My balance and flexibility has also improved. I'm kicking higher without losing balance. My turning kick has gotten a lot faster. My back thrust kick is sharper; the snapping motion is more defined during execution and retraction. My back hook is kicking higher and connecting more powerfully. All in all, my kicks are improving. Not quite where I used to be when I trained regularly, but hey, I'm getting there!

My punching seems a little off still. My punching still feels stiff, like I'm tensing wrongly. I know I'm also hitting wrongly. Twice, I've hit the bag and my wrist would sting. Hmm... I'll need to work more on my punches.

Well, that's my update for now...

The Imperfect Rose

This rose symbolizes how I feel about you, how I feel about us.
The long stem represents the friendship we have. We've been friends for a pretty long time. We know each other well. That's one of the best things I like about you. At the same time, apparently, this is one of the things that prevents us from going anywhere. I know you don't feel anything for me, possibly because we already know each other so well. At the same time, I feel that the best relationships start from friendship.
The thorns represent my imperfection. I'm far from perfect. I have my flaws. At the same time, it's these very flaws that make me the person I am. Cut away the thorns, and while you may have a perfect rose, it is not a complete rose. Because there are thorns, you'll have to handle this rose with care if you choose to do anything with it. And admittedly, sometimes the thorns will prick you.
The rose bud represents the two choices that lie before you. You can choose to let the rose bloom, and explore the possibilities. Or you can hang the rose out to dry.
If you hang it out to dry, the rose will always be with you. But it will be brittle shadow of it's true self. You'll look at the rose and maybe you will wonder what it would have looked like if it had fully bloomed. And yet, maybe this is the safer choice. You'll always have the rose that could have been.
If you let the rose bloom, you won't be able to dry it out nicely. It will bloom in all its beauty, and eventually the petals will turn dark and fall. I don't promise it will last forever. I can't. The most I can promise is that if you choose to let it bloom, I will be with you helping the rose bloom.
I tell you this as a matter of fact. I do not seek sympathy, nor do I ask you for more than you're willing to give. I like you very much, both as a friend and a potential lover, and that means I want what's best for you. I think we can be happy together, but if you decide that you will be happiest with someone else, I will fully support that decision as your friend.
I give you the rose, but what you do with the rose is up to you.

Friendship: A Blessing and A Curse

So if you've been reading my diary so far, you'll know that I like a girl whoe also happens to be one of my very good friends. Oh wait, you mean that part isn't in my diary? Anyway, now you know, so stop interrupting me...

As I was saying, I like her.

It's turning out to be both a blessing and a curse that she's a good friend. On one hand, I enjoy certain privilieges of being a good friend. For example, after she turned me down (I do hate the word "rejected"), she asked how I felt and she was concerned about me. See, that's something that most guys don't have the luxury of experiencing because most guys will fall for for some random chick they just met. And of course that random chick doesn't even bother to give them the time of the day, let alone care about how they feel.

On the other hand, this friendhip-attraction bipolarity is creating some very interesting internal conflict within me. And I use the term "interesting" in the most sarcastic context.

When she goes out with another guy, the friend in me is genuinely interested to know how the date went. I wish she would find someone who makes her happy, and start a life with him. And yet, the potential suitor in me feels envious, and I wish that I were that guy. Naturally, I feel even worse if she had a good date. And at the same time, I feel happy for her.

I don't know what to do. This is killing me.