Anniversary of a Broken Heart -- An Update

It's been a year since Juli and I broke up.

Over the last year, I think my heart has healed quite a bit. It
doesn't hurt (as much) when I think about her. I don't cry at the
thought of what could have been.

But the pain still lingers like an old war wound that just won't go
away. The scars are still there. The scars still itch a little every
now and then. It's probably one of those things that you never quite
outgrow.

I suppose that's part of growing up and moving on.

I talked to Juli last night for more than 2 hours. It was like a
glass of fine wine. It's smooth and comfortable. Sweet. But also a
sharp bitter acidic taste.

It was painful at first, but as the conversation grew longer, I
started feeling more comfortable. It felt like I was talking to an
old friend. The chummy feeling that your friend knows you inside out,
a friend who knows all your bad points, so there's really nothing to
hide. There's no posing and posturing. You're just you, stripped bare
of all niceness.

A couple of parts in the conversation were very painful for me. The
part where I told her I already bought the ring for her. The part
where I told her that I should have been less demanding of her.

Whatever... That's past. That part of my life is over. The girl I
loved no longer exists. She's no longer the person she was one year
ago. Heck, neither am I.

Time to bury the past and embrace the future.

A bad experience

I had dinner at Mi Piace on Saturday night. Mi Piace is a busy italian
place in Pasadena old town, Los Angeles.

The adventure starts off with them not accepting reservations for
parties of less than 4. That leaves me and my dinner date pretty much
out of luck. We decide to turn up at 8pm and see what happens.

We're told that it'll be a 30 minute wait. So we wait. Hmm....
there's nowhere to sit. Everyone's just lounging around, waiting for
a table. It's crowded, and uncomfortable. My shoes weren't made for
standing around.

Finally, after 45 minutes of sole killing waiting, we finally get a
table. Our server whisks us to a small little table set in the corner
of the restaurant.

We sit. We look around.

There's a sea of people lounging around waiting for their table.
They're crammed all around my table. It really doesn't help any that
my table is more than a little low, so their butt is at table-level.
It doesn't sound like much until you experience trying to eat with
someone's butt in your face.

To be fair, the food was very nice. However, I feel that the overall
experience was really marred by bad seating and a long waiting period
which was made more uncomfortable by not having a proper waiting area.

Power and the right to wield it

Two sides of the same coin, when it comes to the question of wielding
power:
1. Can you do it?
2. Should you do it?

While they are not mutually exclusive, they're not always inclusive
either. Just because you can do something doesn't mean you should.
Just because you should do something doesn't mean you can.

One is a question of ability.

Can you do it? Are you physically capable of performing a feat? Are
you able to perform that action without fear of reprisal?

The other is a question of judgement and morality.

If you perform said action, what is likely to happen? Is it morally
and ethically right to do it?

In the end, just because you can do something, doesn't mean you
should.

Walls

Do you ever get the feeling that no matter how much you push and push,
the walls that surround you won't give in?

Inevitability.

That's what it's all about. The french say "c'est la vie".
Americans proclaim "shit happens". Axl Rose proclaimed
"welcome to the jungle".

The immovable object.

Frustration eats at you from the inside. It's a force of self-defeat.
Much like the serpent that swallows its own tail. Evil feeds on
itself. Frustration feeds on you, its ironic origin.

So now what?

You push and push and push...

...and nothing gives.

The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, right?
Wrong. It's a straight line only if that line can be traversed.

Don't push.

Many of the martial arts advocate circular movements. You don't meet
force with force. You absorb. You redirect. You avoid.

Go around the wall.

Fading taillights

Last night, as I watched you drive away in your Accord, I had a sudden flashback. A white Ford Probe disappearing into the distance, red taillights gleaming in the midnight darkness. Red taillights...