I haven't written in about 2 months. Life has been crazy since moving to the city. I've been on the craziest emotional roller coaster in my life. I've met some awesome people that rocked my world and expanded its boundaries beyond anything I expected.
Living in the city with Dennis has forced me to confront a lot of inner insecurities I've had. I don't know if I've had them all my life or if they just started developing recently. I realized that...
1) Although I seem to be a very logical person on the surface, I am actually pretty damn emotional. Most times, I act rationally and can think my way through situations. However, when I get emotional, all rational thought flies out the door and I am reduced to a pile of jelly.
2) I have sharp gut instincts which I need to trust more. When I feel that something is wrong, I have an almost physical reaction. I can feel it like an allergic reaction. I need to pay more attention to that feeling, figure out what is wrong, and most importantly, figure out what the right course of action is.
3) I have wonderful friends who will stay up with me till 5+am just to hear me prattle on and on about all the stuff (and more) that I'm writing about now.
4) I have a lot of insecurities regarding how people perceive me. Juli, if you read this, you'd be amazed. Hmm... come to think of it, I should ask you what I was like when we were dating.
You know, try as I might, there's no way I can condense all my thoughts into a post like this. I've been stewing over this stuff for weeks, and there's no way I can fit a few weeks' worth of thoughts into this... But I can only try to leave a trail of breadcrumbs so that I may look back on this later in my life and be proud of how I have grown.
4 comments:
Awww...Cheer up! Hope things will get better soon!! :)
Finally an entry in your blog after two months. With regard to point 4, easy as it may sound, I think you could try just being who you really are. The Derek I know is fun, easy-going, sensitive and caring. And you know, different people perceive things and make their judgements differently; and this is perhaps something that is beyond our control. So, be who you are, Derek. I think you are an awesome friend, and I am sure Yee Chuan couldnt agree more to that :)
Happy birthday.
Thanks for the kind words both of you! *hug* :)
nice post...keep those thoughts tumbling along, :)
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